Does He Sit Or Does He Stand

How fitting that i should sit down to pen a few lines about the life of a stay at home Dad and what should happen?? The washer stopped. (FYI, it's 1:20 AM) I know, i know, it doesn't seem reasonable i should be doing laundry at this time of night on a weekday, but every now and then there is that surprise load of clothes because one of the guys needs a work shirt or something the next day they forgot about it until the very last minute. Such is the life of a stay at home parent: male or female.
I hadn't planned on writing today, but a series of events took place that just made me put pen to paper; so to speak.
Earlier in the day i was listening to a movie, yes listening, while i was toiling away at one of my household duties. A woman didn't want to allow her husband's boss into their home because she hadn't had a chance to properly clean it. It made me laugh. The set up on this was a very 1950's archetype of a housewife, right down to her flowing skirt, fitted bodice, and pearls. Oh Brother, have we come a long way from that image.
Then this evening i was talking with someone about how their friend's dad doesn't like her friend's boyfriend/fiance because he doesn't work. Their conversation was a Q&A session on how to deal with stereotypes and coping mechanisms for stay at home dads. The amazing part of this for me had everything to do with the prejudices, sexism, and ignorance of a number of people from the early days, most of which i had forgotten until tonight.
The first prejudice for a stay at home dad is that he's lazy and does nothing. It's just a dodge to get some woman to take care of him so he can lay around playing video games or surf porn all day. I'm sure there are those men out there where this must be true, but a bona-fide stay at home dad is no more these things than a housewife. So let's begin by calling him what he is; a housewife or house spouse if you prefer. Personally i prefer the title of Dad, but we do like our labels in this country, so whatever makes you feel better we can go with.
As for sexism, Oh Lord, i could go on and on. The schools have to be the worst in this category. One incident, which seems really funny now, was quite irritating. When my older son was a Freshman in High School in Dallas, he wound up at the nurses office with a 103 fever. As it turned out he had the flu that was going around then. Upon seeing me the nurse told him," see we got your daddy away from work to get you, maybe mommy can come next time." Cough, Gag, Splat!!! I am not now nor will i ever be daddy. The thing about this was mommy was at work and i was at home. However, generalizations such as they are, she just knew i had been called away from something important to be there.
My favorite one has to be the ignorance category. I can not begin to tell you the times people have said such things as the following: it sure must be nice getting to lay around all day, are you getting some of that cute neighbor lady of yours, you don't watch soap operas all day do you, do you drink beer all day or do you have a certain time you don't drink till. There is a reason i call this ignorance. I don't believe i need to define why. I certainly don't to all the women who have stayed home to chase kids and clean house. When you are the stay at home parent there are a few things that remain the same whether you sit or stand in the powder room.
Please, consider the following and decide for yourself whether gender makes a difference or not: I swear i just vacuumed, what happened?? Hello chicken, what the hell am i going to do to you today?? and why didn't you wash your work clothes earlier while we were eating dinner??  I promise you, there is no difference. You can throw a chicken in the oven, but that won't make it a biscuit!!!
Here is my advice for the stay at home dads that may be feeling like they don't contribute or are less of a man because of their chosen role in the house. Ask yourself the following question and be honest; is being home what is best for you and your family and is this role a mutually accepted lifestyle in your home?? If you can honestly answer that question as a "Yes", then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's your life, live it. Don't worry about the attitudes of others. In time, your skin will thicken and it won't bother you so much. I will warn you, staying home is not a nine to five job five days a week, rather, it's a twenty four hour a day, seven day a week job. There are no days off and you are on duty even on vacation. So, if this is the life you have chosen, live it with everything you have and do your best to give your family every advantage from your sacrifice. If you do that, nobody in the world can slight you for doing what you do.

and with that, Peace Be With You, D