Lactaid and the Humble Little Almond

There are few things in this world i cherish more, food wise that is, than ice cream. It's cold and creamy smooth with just the amount of sweetness you're looking for at any given time. Feel like something gooey, ice cream and caramel. Care for something just a little sweet, with very little fuss, vanilla with a bit of cinnamon on top. Oh, this could take days. Especially, if you've ever seen what they do with ice cream at places like Marble Slab. There's a problem with this picture for some of us; Lactose. For some of us that is the biggest four letter word in our diets, next to cholesterol, trans-fats, and eggplant.

I am lactose intollerant. As near as i can remember, i started having issues with milk and especially ice cream in the Army. I loved my Army doctor. He was a good old fashioned country boy and on the subject of milk, he was like that old joke: Hey doc, it hurts when i do this, and the Doctor says, then don't do that. So, for the most part, i gave up milk. I drank powdered milk for a while, it seemed to bother me less, and i even had goats milk. It just wasn't the same and neither made good ice cream. Now, i must confess, i wasn't ever a huge fan of milk like some people. I generally only had milk with cereal and in ice cream. I wasn't one of those drink from the carton kids.

Several years passed and i got to where i just didn't eat cereal and only ate ice cream sparingly. Some where in there i was introduced to lactaid by a friend. Ah, ice cream, my old friend. For a while it seemed to work fine, but then its efficacy seemed to wane a bit. I could have a glass of chocolate milk, but again, ice cream was my drug of choice you might say. I could eat ice cream with lactaid and it was tolerable, but i'd feel ugly the next day. Preferable to the pain, but not a good fix. Alas, am i doomed to a life without ice cream??

A few months ago, my son "bucket-face", yes i really call him that but it's not his Christian name, was put on a milk holiday to see if there was something in the milk making his acne worse. He's a carton tipper, jug junkie and all around milk monger!!! ACK!!! While he was on this holiday we got him soy milk. There are a few different brands of soy milk and they are all faily similar. He and his 14yr old taste buds told me it was as good as milk, maybe better. I smelled it and it had this machine smell to me. I couldn't drink it. I did try it and like i said we bought a few different brands, but they all had that smell to me and the after taste just grossed me out. I have a thing about smells. Smells can send me every where from lust to hiding under a bridge. So, i couldn't bring myself to eat a bowl of cereal with the soy milk. What this did do however, was make me want a bowl of cereal. I started remembering how i would drag my mondo box of Grape Nuts to the chow hall and suddenly i was struck with a full on craving. Ya see, my regular chow hall in the Army had both kinds of cereal, corn flakes and rice crispies. I liked Life and Grape Nuts. Solution?? Take your own to the chow hall.

Which sort of brings me to the crux of this whole thing. I want a bowl of cereal, but i don't want the after effects of eating it. Oh, what's a forty something foodie to do?? Enter, the Blue Diamond Almond Milk commercial. Now, i went to Germany and have indulged in some of the wondrous things they do with almonds and almond paste, so i naturally thought that either the Germans or George Washington Carver must have invented almond milk. I was wrong both times. Shhh, don't tell anyone. Almond milk enjoys a very long history stemming from the Middle East. This nugget made Donna smile as she is of Lebanese ancestry. Anyway, back to the Blue Diamond commercial. I jumped up and ran to the store to get me some of that stuff. I figured the worst case scenario being, Bucket-face could drink it. Oh, don't tell me you've never bought something, found out you didn't like it and then gave it to someone else. Kids are good for disposing of food that doesn't hit the spot and as far as that goes, Bucketface is the best.

The store didn't have any almond milk. It took a few days, but i found it. It's just under three bucks a half gallon here and here are the results according to my experience and taster. All they had was vanilla, no plain or chocolate. I opened it and smelled it. Weird thing, it smelled a bit like almonds. Go figger, right?? I'm not sure what i was expecting it to smell like, but it smells a bit of almonds. I poured a swallow or two into a glass. Taste, it tastes like a melted vanilla milk shake with a hint of almond. It's absolutely lovely. It's even great on cereal. I had the first bowl of Grape Nuts in nearly fifteen years. In the last couple weeks, i have had it on Cheerios (if you are a sugar hound, Don't Sugar cereal with Vanilla Almond Milk), Life Cereal and i even put it in a bowl with a fresh hot homemade brownie much like you might use ice cream. Excellent! Test number two, if you freeze it, does it separate when it freezes and thaws. Ultimately, i am going to make awesome ice cream with it. It is fairly stable from freezer to thaw and back. It will need some fat to make a good ice cream. Most of the recipes i have found use coconut milk, but i'm thinking avocado. Why not?? Alton Brown from the Food Network makes a cake subbing avocado for both the egg and oil, and it's pretty good. Don't go ew on me just yet, avocado has a very light flavor in comparison to coconut and might more readily lend itself to ice cream. I'll let you know. Till then, don't fear the lactose and don't endure the soy or rice, enjoy the almond. Afterall, would i lie to you??

Y'all take care of each other, D

Sort of an apology blog, an Ablogogy

I started off this year with a goal set to put up a blog once a week. To that end, i have failed miserably. At present i have five drafts in various states of completeness and can't find the words to finish any of them. I guess that's the way it goes at times, but it doesn't assuage my own disappointment. Ya see, this whole thing started with over ten inches of snow and ended up with Kolaches. So, i will try to sum up the whole break into one posting so i can delete all of those drafts. Who knows, i might even make myself giggle along the way.





Draft #1 It Snowed a Really Lot


It snowed. It snowed a really lot for here. It was beautiful.


Snow fall: Ten Hours, Picturesque Winterland: Seven Hours, Sunny and Warm Afternoon: TEXAS!!!!! Heck, that's really not all that cool. Once i saw a rainbow and a dustdevil while playing in the rain under a bright sunny sky. Now i'd like to see you top that one. It's funny though, some people wonder how some Texans pick up the habit of wearing a jacket with shorts. Really?? It seems normal enough to me, but then again i'm crazy so don't take my word for anything.


Draft #2 Finally an Artful Commercial

I loathe the way business panders to the consumer. I know this may not make any sense, but there has to be a way to convince people to buy your product without something like the Buger King. The Burger King is Kreepy or Kreepisimo or even the mostest Kreepiestest ad prop i've seen in my life. Every time i see "It" i want to pick up a ball bat, hunt it down, and kill "It" for the sake of the human genome. It would make me quite happy if i found out that "It" won a Darwin. But on to other things. The DQ chimp riding the dog herding chickens was cute and the Chick-Fil-A cows are pretty cool and the talking butter tub was alright, but you just don't see a lot of art in modern commercials. I believe it was Honda that had one a few years ago where a car put itself together from a stack of parts that was pretty nice, but i hate the ones with kids acting like parents or worse. Now, take the lowly Saltine Cracker. What the hell could you do to sell that?? Make a commercial with splashing soup in vibrant colors set to the tune "Rock You Like A Hurricane". It's beautiful. It is to me anyway. I looked for a youtube link, but maybe i'm the only one that thinks it's so great.

Draft #3 The Desert or The Lake

Typically we spend Spring Break at Canyon lake or in Alpine, that's the desert. Most often, the guys and I will go and spend the week doing knuckle-headed guy things and Donna will join us for the weekend at the end unless she arranges to get the Thursday or Friday off too. To begin with, this year was no different. Before making a decision on which route to take i knocked-up a friend to see if she was going to be in the desert that week. (Get your minds back where they belong, knocking up is a British expression for giving a ring, or a buzz, or a call, an email, some sort of making contact, and it is in this regard to which i speak) She said she would be there the latter half of the week. So, i made a plan to leave on Sunday for West, Texas, not to be confused with West Texas, to get some Kolaches and then on to the tail-race of Canyon Lake for some camping and fishing. Follow that with a days long drive to Alpine and a couple of nights there. Then we'd come home to be here in time to rest up and get ready for my Army Buddy to visit on Saturday. Well... Someone far more famouser than i once said, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans".
On Saturday, the night before we were to leave, my beloved Trooper you see pictured above developed an oil leak that prevented us from going anywhere until i could get my mechanic friend to look at it. Okay, Plan B: Make it up as you go along. Welcome to Spring Break '10


Draft #4 I Just Suck at Laundry???


Since i had nothing better to do over Spring Break, i did laundry. (insert giggle here) As though laundry only comes around at Spring Break or something. Though it did afford me the opportunity to address a growing concern i've had about my big kids socks. As you can clearly see from the picture on the left, there is a problem with his socks. I always ask if anyone needs anything from town and generally i am answered with "no". I guess it's a good thing he didn't need anything from town, you know, like a pair of shoes or something. The funny part of this is, i wondered just how old the nasty damn socks were and as it turns out, those are the ones he got for Christmas. Christmas!?! What?? Three months?? Ack!!! Suffice it to say, new shoes, new socks, timer reset for the next round which should be June?? Give me strength.


Draft #5 To West or Not To West...
Okay, since Spring Break was a bust, i had to try and capture some element of it just so i didn't feel so bummed out. Enter that quaint little Czech pastry, the Kolache.
Just south of here, about thirty miles north of Waco on IH35 is the town of West, Texas. It's one of those blink and you'll miss it kind of towns, but at the same time you drive through it the kids are saying why is Koh-Latch and Bakery on all the buildings. Kolaches are typically made with dried fruits or poppy seeds. Oh, the poppy seed ones are the best. So, in an attempt to capture something of the trip that never happened, i made Kolaches. Yes, those pictured are mine. No, you can't have any they are all gone. Like i tell my local friends, if you want some fresh bread, you have to get here before my older son (the one throwing Shot Put above) gets home. I don't call him Bucket-face for nothing. And before you ask, they were Poppy Seed, Apricot, and Prune. Hey! don't snub the prune. You might even say it's a true multi-tasker and quite tasty too.
I hope you got a giggle or two, until then, y'all take care of each other. D
P.S. Next time i'll tell you why i'll never miss milk again!!!!!!!