I Have Valuable Time at 49

     I rounded another milestone last week. Birthdays! When you are young they seem like grand family occasions. It's the one day of the year when the collective attention is expended upon you. Cake. Ice Cream. Presents. Laughter and smiles, the soft underpinning of family galvanized around a central theme. Homespun magic.

     As time passes, these magical events change. For many of us, they morph into a ritual performed more for our children than ourselves. Honestly, I believe I enjoy those more than the ones of my childhood. 

     My children have grown past that point and are entering the phase where they are spending their own money and time to recognize my birthday. It's strangely new, but comfortable. How can any thinker not be fully aware this evolution happens. 

     Many years ago, my daughter and I had an occasion to discuss what would be the perfect birthday gift for me. Actually, it didn't start out that way. The best I can remember would be it started out with the formula for how much to spend on an engagement ring if you are a man. The answer to that, according to the diamond industry, would be where the value of the ring is equal to one months salary. That is when our conversation turned to how much money should a person spend on a parents birthday present. You know, as in what would be proper. The subjectivity of this truly is mind altering. I told her it really isn't about the amount of money you spend, rather being able to identify with the recipient and their likes, dislikes and desires. 

     Finally, we got to the real question. She wanted to know how much money my ideal birthday present would cost. I told her it wouldn't really cost any money at all. She didn't understand. How could the perfect birthday present for me cost nothing. I told her it just didn't. So naturally, she wanted to know what it was. I told her I couldn't tell her. Not that it's a secret or classified or salacious, it just happens to not cost any money. I told her in time she'd figure it out and that we'd both have a great laugh over it when she did. 

     You know, I've been around the sun forty nine times and it occurs to me, i inadvertently lied to her that day. I told her she'd figure it out and that we'd have a big laugh when she did. As many of you know, she's gone beyond this world. I think that is the very thesis of the chat she and I had that day. That chat. The fleeting moment between us that day was the best present. Truly, it's the best present any of us can ever receive. Those stolen, fleeting, cherished moments which color our lives. There is nothing more precious than time.

     I am haunted by time and its cherished moments. Though the moments yet to come gird me against any misery I may carry. 

     This year, my older son left me two bags of peanut butter M&M's, a rather large bottle of Lemon Tea and a handwritten note. The tea and candy, though i consumed them, meant nothing to me. Conversely, his handwritten note I placed in my Bible. It's only two lines long with a signature, but no platinum or gold could ever replace it.

     I received some really nice presents this year. Among them, an Immersion Circulator which I will use the hell out of.  Just less than 50% of my Facebook friends list clicked the little Happy Birthday alert. (I have to admit that I really love that!!!) Even more interesting is that 26% of the list chose to write a complete sentence. Those I really love. This speaks volumes for the people on that list.

     Finally my younger son, whom just finished High School, had no money and wanted to borrow some to go get me a present and probably a huge tub of coke from the quick shop down the street. I told him it wasn't necessary for him to spend money on me. I thanked him for recognizing my birthday and that was plenty. He said, "Well is there anything I can do for you?" You have to know this made me smile. I fixed us a couple of Dr. Peppers and we just sat at the table and talked for a good long while. We even got in a few rounds of dominos. There was my son: no phone, no headphones, no TV. Just he and I spending time together. 

     As you may have guessed it, that was my favorite present this year. He took time out of his world to spend some in mine. There is no truer gift I can imagine. My fervent prayer is that he, his brother, and all the rest of us come to realize the value of time. 

     Though it is a miracle to get a word in edgewise when talking to me at times; I understand the value. I know that long after that Immersion Circulator is all used up and gone, A few sentences online, A hand or two of Dominos, A handwritten note, or even a beloved conversation from the front porch possesses a value which will never dim. 

Until I write again, find your time and Peace be with you, D

First Post of '14; Maybe I'll Post More Often This Year.

Well, it's January 1st, 2014. Who'd've thunk it!!! (Fear not! I can write that way. I have an English Degree and I love breaking the rules.)
Traditionally, i write a post in the first week of the year talking about the previous year and i'll have it no different this year. I admit 2013 is a bit of a blur to me. I'd love nothing more than to blame this on some strange continual stupor due to the Agavaceae, but i just can't.  Yes, Agavaceae, is a real word and it's a whole lot more fun than writing Tequila and Sotol. Okay, enough hand holding, either keep up or i'll pull your library card.
I believe 2013 is a blur because there really were some significant moments in the year that just don't rear their ugly heads all too often. We had a record snowfall early in the year and i got to go driving in just over two feet of snow. When you drive a 25 year old Isuzu Trooper, snow like that suddenly becomes a "Call to Arms". What a wonderful, wonderful few days that was. Though on the other side of that, my trip to Alpine in November for ArtWalk was far better suited for a Zamboni!!!
I learned the wonderful feeling that comes from watching your child graduate high school and the unbelievable boredom that accompanies the ceremony. Great day and pretty good food!
My trip this year took me to Dallas for a few days. In considering some of the places i have gone in the past, Dallas doesn't seem like all that much, but it turned out to be the right place at the right time. I will remember that trip for many years to come (Mango smoothy and a bubble bath). Which reminds me, if you are ever in Denton stop by Ravelyn Bakery. Everything is artisan and wonderful. I usually get some multi-grain bread of some kind with spelt and the spinach and feta croissants are amazing. I have to admit the chocolate and almond ones aren't bad either. Hell! Just get one of everything.
I started Grad School this fall. Grad School. Me?? It's funny just how disparate a Composition Degree is from a Literature Degree. At the University of North Texas, i was taught how to write for nearly any audience. The one thing we didn't spend much time on was Academic Writing. As life would have it, Academic Writing is the sole form of writing in a Literature Program. Cough, Gag, Splat!!! It's not all bad. I dropped a class and got an A and a B in the other two. So, as ill prepared as i was for this, i'm surviving. The program is a struggle for me because i'm not one of those people who reads a book and then asks questions about what the author was thinking by giving the little girl a grape snow cone (As though I give a shit). After this is over, i'll probably end up at Texas State in San Marcus. (Is that Texas State??)
As many of you know, all of my friends, well 95% of my friends are girls. Okay, maybe that's not fair anymore. I don't see myself as being of sufficient age to call these ladies, women, but girls seems a bit pejorative. They are all brilliant and beautiful and add so much to the world. I guess it's okay to call them women. Not surprising, i made a few new friends at school and i even made friends with a guy. I know it's weird, but he's no chest pounding neanderthal, so we made fast friends. One of the other highlights of my year came this fall when i reconnected with a friend (female) from my youth. I had always remembered her fondly. She was a dynamo. Guess what!!! She's still a dynamo, though now she's a dynamo with experience!!! The best part i would guess is that she's still an island of honesty in a sea of half truths and I just love that about her.
So, the year came and went. No trumpets! No fanfare! Only the tireless ticking of time which proceeds whether we do or not. To some degree, I did move forward. Did I get fair value for my time this past year? I think not.
I'm asserting that this year I will strive to realize a greater value for my time. I'll be returning to my meditations as, in reflection, 2013 was a pretty angry year for me. Lots of anger and wasted time. I don't need it; I don't want it; And certainly as all human's know, we can't afford it. Life is too precious.
I'm going to thank a few people (which is always a dangerous activity) for their role in this previous year. If you're not on this list, chalk it up to me being crazy and tired.  Many thanks to: Virginia, always a breath of fresh air; Hummingbird, Mrs and Mr Groove, Pug Love, and LP, as disjointed at it was, it meant alot being there; Canyon Coffee Girl, you reaffirm my faith in people; Canyon Beat Poet, you the man Hoss; C.A.T. Woman, The conscience i'll never have; Tacoma Teaser, for all the reasons and post cards too; Shanny Wanny, all that and brilliant too; and Bubbles, purveyor of the most painful of priceless.
To everyone, I wish you a wonderful journey through 2014
Peace Be With You All, DDDDave

P.S. Still pushing for a June Release of "Voices From A Friendly State"