I Have Valuable Time at 49

     I rounded another milestone last week. Birthdays! When you are young they seem like grand family occasions. It's the one day of the year when the collective attention is expended upon you. Cake. Ice Cream. Presents. Laughter and smiles, the soft underpinning of family galvanized around a central theme. Homespun magic.

     As time passes, these magical events change. For many of us, they morph into a ritual performed more for our children than ourselves. Honestly, I believe I enjoy those more than the ones of my childhood. 

     My children have grown past that point and are entering the phase where they are spending their own money and time to recognize my birthday. It's strangely new, but comfortable. How can any thinker not be fully aware this evolution happens. 

     Many years ago, my daughter and I had an occasion to discuss what would be the perfect birthday gift for me. Actually, it didn't start out that way. The best I can remember would be it started out with the formula for how much to spend on an engagement ring if you are a man. The answer to that, according to the diamond industry, would be where the value of the ring is equal to one months salary. That is when our conversation turned to how much money should a person spend on a parents birthday present. You know, as in what would be proper. The subjectivity of this truly is mind altering. I told her it really isn't about the amount of money you spend, rather being able to identify with the recipient and their likes, dislikes and desires. 

     Finally, we got to the real question. She wanted to know how much money my ideal birthday present would cost. I told her it wouldn't really cost any money at all. She didn't understand. How could the perfect birthday present for me cost nothing. I told her it just didn't. So naturally, she wanted to know what it was. I told her I couldn't tell her. Not that it's a secret or classified or salacious, it just happens to not cost any money. I told her in time she'd figure it out and that we'd both have a great laugh over it when she did. 

     You know, I've been around the sun forty nine times and it occurs to me, i inadvertently lied to her that day. I told her she'd figure it out and that we'd have a big laugh when she did. As many of you know, she's gone beyond this world. I think that is the very thesis of the chat she and I had that day. That chat. The fleeting moment between us that day was the best present. Truly, it's the best present any of us can ever receive. Those stolen, fleeting, cherished moments which color our lives. There is nothing more precious than time.

     I am haunted by time and its cherished moments. Though the moments yet to come gird me against any misery I may carry. 

     This year, my older son left me two bags of peanut butter M&M's, a rather large bottle of Lemon Tea and a handwritten note. The tea and candy, though i consumed them, meant nothing to me. Conversely, his handwritten note I placed in my Bible. It's only two lines long with a signature, but no platinum or gold could ever replace it.

     I received some really nice presents this year. Among them, an Immersion Circulator which I will use the hell out of.  Just less than 50% of my Facebook friends list clicked the little Happy Birthday alert. (I have to admit that I really love that!!!) Even more interesting is that 26% of the list chose to write a complete sentence. Those I really love. This speaks volumes for the people on that list.

     Finally my younger son, whom just finished High School, had no money and wanted to borrow some to go get me a present and probably a huge tub of coke from the quick shop down the street. I told him it wasn't necessary for him to spend money on me. I thanked him for recognizing my birthday and that was plenty. He said, "Well is there anything I can do for you?" You have to know this made me smile. I fixed us a couple of Dr. Peppers and we just sat at the table and talked for a good long while. We even got in a few rounds of dominos. There was my son: no phone, no headphones, no TV. Just he and I spending time together. 

     As you may have guessed it, that was my favorite present this year. He took time out of his world to spend some in mine. There is no truer gift I can imagine. My fervent prayer is that he, his brother, and all the rest of us come to realize the value of time. 

     Though it is a miracle to get a word in edgewise when talking to me at times; I understand the value. I know that long after that Immersion Circulator is all used up and gone, A few sentences online, A hand or two of Dominos, A handwritten note, or even a beloved conversation from the front porch possesses a value which will never dim. 

Until I write again, find your time and Peace be with you, D

48 Trips Around and I'm a Bit Dizzy!

This past weekend, I turned 48 years old. I know some people like to church it up and say things like you're only as old as you feel or so many years young, but i can't at this time. Honestly, for the first time in my life i'm feeling a bit my age and its given me a good shake. That's right, Shaken Davey Syndrome!!!
I don't know if it's the anxiety or the hormones or the meds, but something isn't playing well with others. My neck has all the characteristics of a Slinky, but sounds like a Maraca. My body unfolds like a rusty iron gate and i seem to have picked up a new symptom. I guess i got that as a present, cause the crap i live with now isn't fun enough. Now, when i lay down i have vertigo. Overall, vertigo isn't all that bad. I mean it's annoying, but tolerable. With that said, i must put the other piece that goes with it. It only happens to me when i lay down. Yep, that's right, when i lay down i have bouts of falling through the floor or of movement when i'm not moving. Freaky Huh?? The solution is probably a simple one. You know, quit smoking, lose a hundred pounds and stop getting irritated at people. Yeah, i could do that, but i'm pretty sure i'd spontaneously combust in the grocery store. All this aside, i really could be a lot worse off. So, enough whining for now.
For my birthday, my oldest and dearest friend in the whole wide world came up for the weekend. It was amazing having the Sarge around the guys for the weekend. They didn't know whether to scratch their watches or wind their butts. It was great fun.
I'm thinking the calendar is beginning to bite him in the ass too. I actually watched him sit in a chair and be comfortable not doing anything. What's even more surprising than that is he layed on the couch and watched a movie from start to finish without getting up to walk around.
When we made plans for him to come visit, he had only one request and that was to take us out for a steak dinner on him. He said about a million times, "find a good steak joint, i wanna take y'all out". So, we put out the feelers to the locals and got two options: Hoffbrau or The Big Texan. Since Hoffbrau, at best, is a B- steak joint, we opted for The Big Texan. (authors intrusion: I could write a good half dozen posts on this place) What i will say is this; he ate half his steak, she ate half of hers, i ate the horn and the strip around the bottom of my prime rib and gave the eye to my big kid. No, the portions weren't too big (though ample), it's that it became a labor to eat. Who ever heard of prime rib that is tough at a steak house that is nationally ranked?? I felt bad, so i made him ribs the next day.
Well, he went home and life returned to what it is. It was a pretty good birthday all things considered. I mean nobody blew anything up or had their compound stormed or was caught up in a mass shooting. I have to admit with all the history of April 19th, i'm pretty happy when nothing overly horrible happens on that day.
Now, onward through to the next...
Till i post again, Peace be with you, D

47 with clouds in my coffee (decaf)

Well, I managed to live long enough to hit 47. Honestly, this is nothing short of a miracle. I once saw a movie where one actor asked the other if he would prefer the coroner see his body and remark about how perfectly it had been taken care of or if he'd rather live life without all of his worries he had about taking care of himself. The actor said he didn't know and referred the question back to the first actor who replied, "Shit, i want the coroner to take one look at me and say, this son of a bitch had one hell of a good time getting to here".

There was something about this logic that sang to my Viking soul like a crash from Thor's hammer!!! I think my exact words at that moment were, "Absolutely".

Toward that end, i was giving myself the once over in the mirror after my shower tonight and could barely recognize the man in the mirror. (No it's not the lack of hair, i've been good with that since before it was gone) I was simply acknowledging the aches and pains that seem to be chronic at this point and naturally the changes in my appearance. Being fat doesn't bother me too much as i still get around alright and it hasn't seemed to limit me. Though, i got this way within two years after i had heat stroke in '95. I knew going in, the medication would put weight on me, but not being medicated was not an option. I did notice i have developed Jowls. I could have done without that. My tattoos still look good and aren't all blurred out. I'm really glad i shopped tattooists before i got them. The artist makes the difference. I've always had heavy eyelids and bags under my eyes. Some day i'm sure i'll have to have the lids trimmed back so i can see, but that's a ways off. My hands and neck and their bone loss?? Well, the hands still work, but the neck is getting to be really bothersome. It sounds like a maraca when i shake my head. I guess my only real complaint i have is my eyes. I've always loved the color i was given (bloodshot), but i'm not a fan of this arms length seeing thing. sure i have two different pair of glasses, but i'm too much like the librarian i knew as a younger man. Hers were on a string around her neck and she'd put them on and take them off constantly. It annoyed me when she did it and now i'm doing it. I guess the important thing is, i can still see.

All in all i'd say i have a lot in common with an old chevy truck. I may look like hell, but i still run fine. Remember to live everyday as though it were your last and enjoy it.

Till i speak with you again, Peace be with you,

Dave