For once, I'm hesitant to project my own feelings or actions upon you the audience or reader of this humble musing. During your perusal of this missive should you find yourself slighted by my archetype, chalk it up to my own mental peculiarities and feel assured it was never my intention to include you in my projection and you have my apologies. For those of us who make it until the end, may we find that grain upon which another pearl will be created.
As time ticks away in life mentors come and go. Some we move away from , some move away from us and others leave this world behind for the next. My best visual analogy would be something along the lines of; our mentors place the cobblestones along our byway.
Now that I've reached what some like to call middle age and my children are all grown and gone, I like to think of myself as being the mentor. I'd like to think I'm handing out sage advice in the grand tradition of it all. I have arrived. Well, that's what I had thought until recently.
I had a nice phone call with my Dad in which he said something very puzzling. I'd rather fall on my sword than misquote him, just know it went something like this. One of his friends whom he'd known for many years died recently and he referred to this man, who is only a few years older than he, as a Mentor. My brain was spinning so fast after he said that i nearly got a nose bleed when it stopped and stopped it did. It was a jarring sudden train wreck kind of stop. What happened you ask?? Well, it absolutely turned everything I knew or believed i knew about mentoring on its head. How could someone in their seventies have a mentor? It's really quite simple, there's always a bigger fish.
With this revelation, I sat back and reevaluated what I knew a mentor to be. After days of reflection, the answer became so painfully obvious I had to give myself a timeout.
The first thing I needed to do was to come up with a better, more complete definition for mentor. I checked the American Heritage Dictionary and a couple of others. Their collective idea of mentor was as woefully incomplete as my own. After days of reflection, i have settled on a mentor as anyone or anything which lends sound advice either through words or actions. Yes! This does sound like everyone is a mentor at one time or another and to that I say, "Aren't they?" Though for the purposes of this I have amended my definition to include the phrase, "and those you seek out for same."
At my present age of Fifty Three-ish, the cast of characters I call on for advice is limited to about three. My best friend, a well grounded and very conservative man of comparable age has yet to fail to show me the other side of whatever it is I naturally see. An old friend, Rob, (I'm pretty sure he's the first Vulcan on Earth) has a innate talent for logical thought and seeing situations in the abstract. Then there is the first mentor, my mother. She had the ability to organically change peoples perception of their work and ultimately change their point of view. In effect, she'd get you to see your work with two sets of eyes. It's a tremendous skill to master. One, as yet, I have not. Unfortunately, she has joined those who've left this world behind. As with all mentors, some of her remains perpetuated by those previously advised.
I got a call from a young man whom I've known for some time. He needed to talk for a while. I could hear the distress in his voice when he said something very peculiar, "...at my age I should have all the answers." I told him that was just silly as I'm twice his age and don't have all the answers. I had him take a couple of deep breaths before I asked what the biggest problem was for which his answer was simple, "My bills," he said. I asked him if he could pay them today and the answer was no. He said with his new job, he should be able to make all of his bills just fine, but it's taking too long. I offered that he might set that feeling aside until payday and take his bills one at a time and not stress over them between this day and that. He reminded me the bills would still be there and I asked him if he wanted to make everyone else in his house feel the way he does. His answer was, "of course not." This is when I let him on to that little secret, when you are grumpy, you'll make everyone you are around grumpy also. Well, either that or the others will choose to stay away from you. I had him give me a few examples where his reaction to things had affected others in a similar way to his: both positive and negative. He did. Then he told me he never realized his irritation with the progress in his life would affect his home life. He thanked me and had to leave for work. His spirits were better, but I told him it would take lots of practice before his demeanor would automatically lay down his irritations.
I have to thank my dad for opening me up to the possibility that you never outgrow the need for a mentor. Our mentors tend to be those closest to us. and in closing, they can be of any age. The day after I discovered my dad had a mentor in his eighties, I discovered I have a mentor under the age of....well let's just say she's not old enough to drive. She taught me the importance of putting your M and M's in alphabetical order. This is more important than you know. I miss my mom, am thankful for my dad, and love my niece.
Until I write again, Peace Be With You,
Dave
