Like Heroin for Cigarettes, Obsiquience, and Your Thoughts

I'm not sure what all i have to say, but it's in 3 parts
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Well it has been three weeks since i quit smoking. Now before you start saying way to go and all of that, finish reading the post. I have always said if i could make it through the first day i could quit for good. For me the hard part has always been getting through the evening hours to complete that day. Well a few weeks back i got sick. Okay, here is where i'm going to diverge a bit. I know the flu is a virus and that once you have it your body makes anti-bodies and you aren't supposed to get it again. Like the Chicken Pox, which i got three damn times. A couple Nurse friends of mine said i'll probably get shingles when i get older, so i have that going for me. Well my big son gave me the flu and i no sooner got to feeling better and i got flu-like symptoms again. As if that weren't bad enough, before i could get over that something malicious settled into my chest and i got antibiotics and other pills to make me better. I was miserable, but by that time i had put the cigarettes down for a few days hoping that i might get better, faster. Or, maybe i'd just not smoke and be sick. Okay, so back to the stream, i didn't smoke for over two weeks. I mean not even a sneaker drag or anything. To be quite honest, i didn't much think about it and the days came and went without lighting up. Then, a few days ago i started noticing that i was glad i wasn't smoking, but that my desire to smoke was back. I didn't want to smoke all the time, but i did have moments when i sure thought about it.
Yes, i fell off the wagon. I'm kind of a do it all kinda guy and was replacing a watch battery in one of Donna's Goofy watches and was having the devil of a time getting the back back on the watch. As i remember, this watch is a bear to get the back on. Something happened and i lost my cool and that was it. I smoked. That was yesterday and i smoked three last night. I mean i went three weeks and then smoked three cigarettes yesterday and i thought i'd feel more guilty about it than i do. I started smoking in Basic Training in the Army and that was in the summer of '83 and in all the years since, the longest i have gone without a cigarette has been no longer than hours. That is, not counting the times i couldn't smoke because of playing Army or working DPS in Arizona. I smoked a few today, but i think i'm going to go back to not smoking tomorrow. I really do feel better, i just wish i didn't like to smoke so much.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have a whole pile of stuff going on right now that i never thought i'd be worrying about at my age. For several years some of my friends have wondered if i have always been "Surly". Well, i don't think so, but how does one know if one is or is not surly. I have identified part of what the query is all about though. You know the joke about the woman that tries on a pair of jeans and asks her husband if the jeans make her ass look fat and the atuned husband replies," no, it's your ass that does that." Well, i'm that guy i guess. It's not because i'm mean, it's because i refuse to be some obsiquious little worm. I know plenty of those. This has led to a loyal following of people who call on me for my opinion because they know i will tell them the truth. Well this guy that always tells his friends the truth has been lying chronically to one of them like some Captain Milquetoast and though i can not or will not assuage the dilema at this time, i am forever anotating it for myself now.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now, This next part has to do with the whole "High School" experience. Oh, where to begin. While i can't say that i have the best memories of High School i do have fond ones for a great many things. I can look back at some of the teachers i had and think, yeah they had an impact on me or no not so much. Some of the people i'll never forget and some i miss seeing. The thing that is really on my mind sort of breaks down like this. I remember very fondly, and this is in no particular order, Band, pep rallies, contests, welding and AG, cruising up and down the one ways, rangra theatre, road side, grassy banks, the duck pond, the coke plant, Lope's tank, Mrs Powell, Starr Warford, Mrs Matthews, the dances, just kinda the whole package. I hope this makes sense to someone. Now here's the thing. I want both of my boys to have that. Maybe not to the extent that i did, (Keep your giggles to yourself, i know what i said)but the whole experience. The high school here after what is now nearly half a year had a pep rally at homecoming and one when they made the playoffs. Mind you they went to quarter finals. Then, they have only had the one dance and that was at homecoming. Other than that, it doesn't seem like there's much of my version in this high school. Now, this isn't a question of friends, i know that because i hate his cell phone. He's in a couple of Pre AP classes and he started every game and was a captain for the second half of the season. He will also likely take district in Shot Put this year. Is this what 5A High School is?? Am i looking for something that's an illusion or was the isolation of the desert the catalyst for such an experience and that's the only place they'll get that?? I really am looking for your thoughts on this. Peace be upon thee. D