For a very long time i have been collecting and nurturing barriers in my life. This isn't anything different than what we all do in some form or another, but in my case, I've been reluctant to clear any of them away. In recent years it has become apparent that i have accumulated enough of them that my life has entered a de facto pause. Hence causing my life to become tacit and i am anything but that. So, as is not my usual custom, i resolved to rid myself of as many of those things holding me back physically and emotionally as i am able to in good conscience.
For the last week i have been kicking elephants out of the living room like a mad man. Some of them were no brainers. Simple things I'd been stepping over for years. Yet others have been emotionally draining because i don't remember what life was like before they were erected and even now it's hard to envision what life will be like without them. I have a few left to clean out but the major ones have been dealt with and if i could take care of those, what's left shouldn't be a problem.
Last year i wrote about 18 entry's. That averages out to one every twenty three days. If i am barely scratching out those few lines, can i still claim to be a writer?? At present, i have five novels and a kitchen guide in various stages of completion. Unfortunately, they are in the same state of completion they have been in for the last decade. I haven't published in twelve years. I have lost my voice and my passion for those things i love and a years worth of reflection as to the why on the current state of affairs has led to this rampant clean-up. I'm mad. I'm sad. I let this happen and I'm the only one that is going to be able to reclaim my mission in life. It hurts. It's sad. I have talked to the principles involved in this and have come to a consensus on things. It doesn't make it easier, but it is no longer hidden away. It is out there and it is the way it has to be.
I am undoubtedly going to be doing some things this year that may seem a bit strange or disturbing to some of you. Please, know that these things are all part of a larger agenda and my cheese hasn't slid completely off of my cracker. To the contrary, I'm simply attempting to put the cheese back in the center.
Till i speak with you again, be well and Peace be with you, D
I will be praying for you everyday! I understand how tough this is and how hard you will be working to make it through this "deconstruction". Keep me posted.
ReplyDeleteOh Mother T i was just thinking about you. You need to send me an invite to your blog again. For some reason i can no longer read it. As for the Turkey Rub, i'll convert it to table spoon measures and post it here in the next couple of days for you. Sorry i didn't get to it before the holidays, but you know how things get, i'm sure. Never fear, it's good on any fowl and not horrible on grilled pork. In the meantime, thanks for reading, commenting, and just being. Take care, Dave
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