Dead Bird Walking

I have been told i shouldn't apologize when i don't feel well. Then again since when have i ever taken advice that made sense.

Sorry gang, but i just haven't felt well lately and my writing has suffered. My neck and my feet are engaged in trench warfare and i'm caught in "no man's land".

You know it's funny, as people age and their natural hormone production ebbs, one of the side effects of this is bone loss. The thing is, when you are thirty and you lose natural hormone production, you don't see yourself as being old so you won't have that problem; Or so i thought. So for the last fifteen or so years my body has been leaching away the bones in my neck and feet and some days it just doesn't pay to plan anything requiring physical activity. Typing tends to be physical exertion on those days. Alas, i'll muddle through as i have no plans to stop being who i am any time soon.

I have some housekeeping to address. The Sisters' Quilts (Bra Quilts) are on!!!

For some reason i'm feeling a little more pressure to "get it right" than i normally do. In the long run of things, i'm sure of one thing. It will be as i have made it and it will be from that sliver of ice i call a heart. I'm going to do it. To date, i have received about eighty bras in all shapes and sizes. (Conditions too....LOL) I have a ball park number i am targeting before i even get out the rotary cutter and that is five hundred. I'm not exactly sure what the pattern will be, but i'm leaning toward something simple. Watercolor, scrappy, scales, i'm just not sure, but to get the most coverage out of them, the pieces will be small and small pieces lend themselves to these types.

As for the picture above, i took that on the way to the store a couple weeks ago. My poor phone doesn't do justice to the colors of the leaves. They really were pretty and it was nice seeing all the colors from green to that red before brown color all in one stand of trees.

We had some family in for Thanksgiving. It was nice to see the Brother-in -Law and his Girlie Girl. She makes me laugh. I was blessed with three days of football (pure sarcasm i assure you), but Rocky taught me how to make Menudo. That is one of those things that was on my bucket list of foods i wanted to master. Now i have a much better idea of the process and it won't take me long to have that one notched in my wooden spoon.

As for the Thanksgiving meal i cooked a turkey. Big shock huh... I was sneaky about it this time. Years ago i made a seasoning blend specifically for turkey. Many of you have that recipe and know what i'm talking about. Well this year i got to thinking about how to cook it and something got me to giggling. I know how my rotisserie treats turkey and i know the ingredients in my

seasoning and i knew a bird cooked under those conditions would look disgusting. So i cut the wing tips off and cut the skin at the end of the drum sticks and scraped up the bone an inch or so knowing full well as the skin dried out it would shrink up about that far. Okay, so one of the ingredients in the seasoning is brown sugar. We all know what happens to sugars exposed to high heat for long periods of time. They burn and turn black.

I got a few faces like, holy hell did you have to kill it?? I think one of the boys asked if it would puff smoke when i cut it like the one in Christmas Vacation.

You know i cut it up and placed it in the bowl and that's the last i saw of it. I know someone snacked on some leftovers on Friday, but there wasn't any when i went to make me a sandwich. I know, i ended up putting some leftover pulled pork on the bread i had already fixed.

It may have looked horrifying on the outside, but i knew what was on the inside. Dave 1 everyone else 0

I know for Christmas this year i'm going to get a rib loin and make prime rib. Probably about a ten pound one because that makes excellent sandwiches the next day. Though i do still have eight racks of lamb in the freezer, i think i can wait until Easter for that.

If you love to cook as much as i do then how can you not be festive this time of year.

May all of your dinners be banquets and every dish a master piece and until i write you again;

May Peace be with You, D

In need of a Woman's perspective

In the annoyingly exaggerated words of Paula Deen, "Hey Y'all." As many of you know, i have been sewing for a great many years. One of the things I enjoy building (man term for sewing) are quilts. There is something about the repetitive precision sewing that calms me. It really makes no difference whether i am sewing a scrappy quilt or paper piecing.

I have made quilts out of old Concert T-shirts, Men's Ties, I even made three quilt tops out of a mans entire collection of shirts he wore to make three quilts for his three sons after he passed away. As a point of fact, right now i'm making an "Ass Quilt". It's a scrappy quilt made from denim reclaimed from dead jeans. The colors range from a very pale blue all the way to black. I call it an "Ass Quilt" because everything you make should have a good story to go along with it. So my story for this one is that the quilt is made from the butt section of women's jeans. Okay, so it's a tasteless guy thing. If it makes you feel any better, just imagine the quilt is being made out of Sam Elliot or Sean Connery's jeans. See, now if you had the quilt, you could have your own story. Afterall, isn't that more fun than, it's just made of old jeans??

Okay, let me get to it. For about as long as i've been intimate with women, i've been fixing underwires. You know, those pesky little metal buggers that pop out of one side or the other just as soon as the new gets washed off. Hell i've probably seen more bras than Herminie Cadolle, but less than Heffner. So, here is the thing i need a Woman's Perspective on. I have been kicking this idea around a few years now for a bra quilt. Yes, a bra quilt. No, i'm not kidding. If you know me, you know this is just my kind of project. I have this vision of making a pair of them actually. One made with all Left cups and one all containing Right ones. Given the general two to three piece shape of the American cup, the pattern that would emerge would be something similar to overlapping fish scales. I'd like to make the top out of all sorts of colors and sizes with a big fat Susan G Komen Logo and donate one to them to be auctioned off or whatever they feel like they would like to do with it. The sister quilt, i'd keep and dispose of as i deem appropriate. This IS NOT something i would sell. The very thought makes me ill. My aim is to give something to the people chasing the cure for Breast Cancer and i'll either keep the sister or make a gift of it.

Now, what i need to know is; is this project in bad taste. If not, do i make it out of new bras or gently used ones? If i do go forward with this, is adding the Komen Logo a good idea or should i leave it out?? I have a hundred questions, but since i am a man i need your answers.

Again, let me make it clear. This is not a joke. I am just as serious about this as i was when i made the Prairie dress for the eight year old that wouldn't see nine, and the gown for the size 32 Bride (who looked beautiful btw).

I eagerly await your feedback and please, pass this on to other women so i can get as much feedback as possible.

Until next time, Peace be with you, Dave

Game Rules

Every once in a while, someone or something happens that really gets my ass out of joint. Lately, i haven't felt much like writing mostly because my ass has really been out of joint. Yeah; Sure; i'm frequently cranky or grouchy. Hence, the Truculent for a middle name on FaceBook. Not withstanding that, i try to keep a nice even demeanor and struggle to live as simple a life as i can. I was told many years ago, by the first doctor i liked, to cut as much of the stress out of my life as possible and i've worked very hard to limit the stressors in my world.

Well, here a couple of years ago i started playing a game where the rules were not only undefined, but there seemed to always be a reason why any rules couldn't be established to aid in the structure and advance the game. This one sided approach to game play came to a head recently. It has caused me to reevaluate the game, how it has been played, and my willingness to continue.

So, i grabbed my rosary and my bottle of Esperanto and meditated on the subject. Eventually, i came to a realization. First, when you wash dishes, you have to wash both sides, not just the front. Second, Hawthorne said that all you had to do to be nothing is simply to do nothing. And Third, when i dig my heels in i always win.

What does all this mean?? Well, it's simple enough. My plates are clean, i'll no longer sit by and do nothing, and my heels are dug in good. I'm not playing this game until the rules are defined and the playing field is level. So, when the rules are made and the deck has 52 cards and an even shuffle, deal me in. Until then, i'll stick with my crossword puzzles as i never was a fan of solitaire.

Now that i have gotten this out of the way, i am going to post several in the next couple of weeks and get all the ugly drafts taken care of.

Until i write you again, Peace be with you, D

Ramblin' Bamblin"

Ordinarily, i'd say let's go to the Waffle House and get some breakfast, drink coffee, and talk treason until dawn. This just isn't reasonable because i'm wherever i am and you aren't. You are where you are and most likely asleep. In lieu of that, i figure i'll just sit here and see what bubbles to the surface.

It's about three thirty in the morning and i just got the last glass of ice from the bag in the freezer. Add to that a fresh can of caffeine free Dr Pepper and a BC Powder and many of you can envisage the scene. I'm here at my desk; sipping, puffing, and playing with my moccasins with my toes.

It's been bugging me that i set a goal of twenty-six postings for this year and i'm only at twelve with three quarters of the year gone. I'd like to think that my postings happen organically and are in no way forced. Then again, i'm reminded of the previous posting that was anything but organic. Or wasn't it?? It did indeed occur from those elements that bubbled up while writing it. In some regards though, i would say it was forced. I was feeling the pressure of not meeting my own goals and i had a couple of friends ask me to post something, so maybe it was. I'm not sure and i guess i'll have to leave it as it is.

It's not like i don't have anything i want to write about. I have a list that is only rivaled by my grocery list and Santa's. I've been threatening for months to write one about my Aunt. She is a beautiful lady that has been a parent, a friend, and a great influence on me. While it is a bit scary writing about one of your friends or relatives, it can be very rewarding in a sense of tribute or sharing with the world how wonderful these people are.

It's not just people either. I drive a 1991 Isuzu Trooper. It's a big square chunky refrigerator box of an SUV built before they attempted to make them comfortable. It's ugly, the paint is faded and chipped, the seats are like a wooden chair and the carpet is horrifyingly dirty. (and NO, a steam cleaner won't help) However, for everything it isn't, my Trooper is two or three times over.

Then somewhere in there i'm hoping to find my silliness again. I just haven't been silly in a while and that's starting to bug me too. Hell, i'm probably on the downside of a Bipolar swing or something. I probably shouldn't joke about it as it sounds like self pity, but if you can't smile with the bad, why smile with the good?? I found out last week the celebrated football coach Vince Lombardi was Bipolar. Maybe i should have been a football coach. Hmmmm, nah, the cord on the whistle would mess up my hair too much.

At any rate, there's a meeting of the Married Single Parents Association in a few hours so i should try to pass out.

I certainly hope you are all doing well and that the Autumnal breezes find you soon.

Until i write again, Peace be with you, Dave

Stick a fork in Me: formerly Back by popular demand

Okay, so it's been a while since i sat to write anything. I've even had a stalker or two, casually comment on my absence. I do appreciate the attention and i certainly hope i don't let you down. One thing though, don't forget, you get what you pay for.

I'm not overly gabby these days. It's quite possible that my son's football is taking its toll on me. Then again, my younger son and his FFA is a concern,but not quite as bad. Let me attempt to clear this up a bit. When it comes to football, he's attending two games a week. I thought the UIL had rules about this, but what do i know? I'm just a housewife. Honestly, i don't see how he's going to be out that much and be academically successful. Time will tell, but it's a burden knowing everything. Then the FFA thing. Last year, the cost of a hog was 190USD. Much to my surprise, this year it is right at 400USD. What in the hell. Feed is twice as expensive too which equals something in the order of two hundred bucks a month for feed for a pair of hogs for eight. Sorry Zeke, i guess you are going to concentrate on the political side of the club this year cause the animals are out.

Okay, sorry, had to go meet the teacher. Someday, someone is going to have to tell me just why we do that. It's not like the teachers ever say anything other than i enjoy having BooBoo in my class. Though there was a high point, if you could call it that. I threatened to whack his AP English teacher in the head if she used "Took'n" as his physics teacher had. I have to admit. I use poor English regularly, but i'd never use Took'n in place of " have taken".

Ah hell!!! It has taken me two days and a number of hours to write this. I did manage to make the orange and black table cloths i was asked to make, but other than that i think i'm fried. By the by, those are organizational colors not linens for Halloween.

Ok, that's it. I'm posting this without editing. It is what it is. And for the record, i just found out that Mr Football has fallen behind in his classwork.

You know i love you more than my luggage...

Peace be with you, Dave

The Amazing Flour Tortilla

My time in the kitchen began sometime well before i won my first cooking contest with a culinary curiosity called "Cheezy Grits Bake" in 4H. That little number happened the better part of forty years ago while still in Elementary School. Since then, i have spent an obsessive amount of time and effort documenting and preserving the cuisine that defines the culture i come from. Talk about your fusions of ethnic foods, everything from the soul foods of northern Florida and southern Georgia all the way across to western Texas and northern Mexico. Add to that, the foods i have had in my travels, that i chose to add, to what i already had and you end up with something really ecclectic. The best part about growing up where i did was, we had Mexican food before Mexican food was cool. Sounds like a country song don't it?? It was just what we ate. Hell my friends and I were eating Fajitas before Bobby Flay ever disgraced a knife by picking it up. In case you missed the dig, i'm not one of his fans.

The two food items that are both central to our food and at the same time were the hardest for me to master were the Buttermilk Pie and the Tortilla.

The problem with the Buttermilk Pie was solved by being sloppier in its preparation. You could say that, for me to make my Grandmother's version of the pie, i had to make it the way she did and she just threw it together. However, the Tortilla came down to my own expectations.

Over the 4th of July weekend, i promised an old friend of mine that i would share my tortilla recipe with her. She told me that she had tried several recipes and that it must be something in the way she was preparing them that didn't produce a tortilla up to her expectations. Now, usually when i share a recipe with someone, i monkey with it a bit. You know, nothing that makes it not turn out, just something that isn't exactly as i do it. Well, today is a special occassion for me. Here is the actual recipe i use for Flour Tortillas. It doubles as a pie crust, pancake batter, drop dumplings, biscuits and a few other things with a few minor additions to the mix or in the liquid. Generally, i'll take a couple of Kilos of flour and make up the mix in bulk just to have on hand much the same way other people would use Bizquik or some other mix. I'm sorry that my recipe is in grams, but it's the only way to truly get the same results every time. Flour settles, you can over fill or under fill a measuring cup with liquid, but using a scale makes everything friendly every time.

Tortilla Mix

• 250g Flour
• 8g Salt
• 8g Baking Powder
• 68g Shortening (I have made them with Lard, Crikso, Veg Oil and even bacon fat) The results vary slightly. I probably prefer half Lard (when my wife lets me) and half veg oil. In the end, shortening is shortening as far as the gluten is concerned.
• 172g Warm Water

Bakers Formula: Flour 100, Salt 2, Baking Powder 2, Shortening 17, liquid 43.

The Bulk Mix i made this time was 2000g Flour, 40g each of Salt and Baking Powder, and 340g of regular old Crisco. For the recipe on the video i used, 300G of mix and 130g of warm water. The warmth isn't all that important. If it feels warm and not hot or cold, then it's a good temp.

Here's the Video.

I must apologize for some of the camera work, but my son is only fourteen and he's still learning. All in all, for as long as he's been doing it, he doesn't do too badly especially since this was his first video.

If you guys have any questions about making tortillas, feel free to ask. I field questions about cooking and sewing everyday and i don't mind at all.

I certainly hope you got from this what you needed. I know you can do it. Now, go forth and tortilla your brains out.

Until we get together again, Peace be with you, Dave

Take the Long Way Home

It had been a couple of years since i'd been home. My last trip was, demoralizing, wrathful, and emotionally draining. So much so, it prompted me to swear to never again return to the place of my youth. So when a class reunion came up, it took quite a bit of coaxing to get me to throw in with my old friends. Though i had made room reservations back in January and had a car reserved, it wasn't until i found out that my Aunt and Uncle were going to be there that i knew i was really going to throw my arse in the car. I made one promise to myself for this trip and that was i'd only hang around people that made me, Happy!!!

I threw the family in the Rent-a-Wreck and headed out. I was so determined to make sure we

all had a good time that i insisted we take a little detour along the way.

Welcome to Happy, Texas. This simple divergence really set me off on the right foot. I know it seems silly, but this made me really happy. While we were there, a man out for a morning walk asked if we needed help. I told him that we were fine and just wanted to get this picture and he smiled. He took a few steps and turned back to me and said, "Welcome to Happy." I thought, Indeed.

We got to Alpine, running late as usual, and Donner got her nails done (Busy week before we left and fortunate enough to know people down home willing to stay late on Friday (Thank You Fred!!!)). We got checked into the hotel with just enough time to shower and get the boys pizza before the first night's activities.

I was completely taken aback by just how beautiful everyone was. All of these kids i had known had grown up. Suddenly, i began to feel old. It was a great night. I got to see Lavender Chick, Painted Groove Girl, Aura Mae, Kara and a litany of others that i hadn't seen in years. As an added bonus i got to visit with JENNIFER!!!!!!!!!!!! Who had some right interesting questions about Donner's benefits package. LOLOL

Here, i grabbed a photo-op with The Lavender Chick herself. She's just as charming and warm as she was when we first met. I guess i should have tried to hold her hand on that field trip in fifth grade. Alas, she's my friend and that's way better. Now, y'all go buy her Lotion cause it's just as perfect as she is and the Body Wash is something you can't live without!!!

Even my sister was a blast to hang out

with. Fun as it was, i still had a shopping list of things to accomplish in a weekend.

One of those items was to have a visit with my Aunt and Uncle. We moved

away from each other before Donner

and i got married. Therefore You might as well classify it as a moral imperrative. More on that later.

Finally, i would be remiss if i didn't give credit where credit is due, i managed to get a picture of the whole family together. Courtesy of Aura Mae, Celebrated Hair Magician, Talented Foodie, and yes it seems to be, Photographer too. It's pretty easy to carry a camera and get shots of people and events, but the hard thing to do is to get yourself in them. So, Thank You Aura Mae, you're wonderful and i appreciate you for doing this.

For most of the night, i let the guys run free with the camera, telling them only this: Don't drop it and get a picture of everyone, especially the couples. They did a pretty good job. Thank You guys. I know they probably don't get it, but by them taking pics it left me to spend more time enjoying the moment. I am surprised at just how friendly and fun it was. I wish i had gotten the chance to visit with Painted Groove Girl more and a few others, but if there is a next one, i certainly won't get so worked up about it.

One last thing, my favorite part had to be... Well some things are better left unsaid.

Until i address you again, Peace be with you, Dave

P.S. I am working to put my tortilla recipe. It's been crazy here, but when i do i certainly hope you get from it something you can use.